Get ready to 🎄sparkle and ✨ shine with the best Christmas quotes of 2023.
From hilarious one-liners to uplifting messages and touching religious quotes, let’s use these quotes to get into the holiday spirit and fill our hearts with joy and cheer!
Table of Contents
Funny Christmas Holiday Quotes
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Phyllis Diller
I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.
Henny Youngman
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
Phyllis Diller
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
Shirley Temple
Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip
From a song sung by Gary Allan
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
George Carlin
Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases
Bridger Winegar
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note saying, ‘Toys not included.’
Bernard Manning
Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people only once a year.
Victor Borge
I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.
Winston Spear
Three phrases that best describe the Christmas season: Peace on earth, Goodwill to men, and batteries not included.
Unknown
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.
Unknown
You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
Robert Paul
Christmas is the only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.
Unknown
Christmas Vacation Quotes
Buckle up and grab your eggnog, because we’re about to take a wild ride down memory lane with the iconic holiday film, ‘National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation‘!
This hilarious and heartwarming movie has given us some unforgettable one-liners that perfectly capture the chaotic spirit of the Griswold family’s Christmas adventures.
So, sit back, relax, and get ready to laugh your way through this collection of ‘Christmas Vacation’ quotes that will have you saying, “Hallelujah! Holy sh*t! Where’s the Tylenol?” (another quote from ‘Christmas Vacation’)
It’s time to relive the uproarious moments and discover the true meaning of a quirky Christmas with the Griswolds.
If you don’t know what to put on your Christmas Card, just quote ‘Christmas Vacation’ !
- “Is your house on fire, Clark?” – Aunt Bethany
- “No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.” – Clark
- “We’re gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas.” – Clark Griswold
- “The little lights aren’t twinkling.” – Art
- “It’s people that make the difference. Little people like you.” — Frank Shirley
- “Save the neck for me, Clark!” – Aunt Bethany
- “Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!” – Cousin Eddie
- “Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you into the middle of nowhere, and leave you for dead?” – Clark
- “Hallelujah! Holy sh*t! Where’s the Tylenol?” – Clark
- “Why is the carpet all wet, Todd?” – Margot
- “It’s a bit nipply out. I mean nippy.” – Clark
- “If that thing had nine lives, she just spent them all.” – Cousin Eddie
- “You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.” – Uncle Lewis
- “Clark, that’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.” – Cousin Eddie
- “I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery.” – Ellen
- “Clark, Audrey’s frozen from the waist down.” – Ellen
- “Well, if I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.” – Clark
- “Can’t see the line, can you, Russ?” – Clark
- “Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas.” – Clark
- “Happiest Christmas, Griswold family.” – Clark’s Boss
- “Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Happy Hanukkah.” – Clark’s Boss
- “I don’t want to spend the holidays dead.” – Ellen
- “Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morn. The clean, cool chill of the holiday air. An asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.” – Clark
- “It was an ugly tree anyway.” — Art
- “Oh, it’s just a little knot in my stomach. I’ll untie it later.” – Clark
- “My cousin-in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain.” – Clark
- “We’re not driving all the way out here just for the fun of it, are we?” – Ellen
- “We needed a coffin… Er… A tree.” – Clark
- “Is there anything else I can do for you, Uncle Lewis?” – Clark
- “This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here.” — Clark
- “I love it here. You don’t gotta put on your coat to go to the bathroom, and your house is always parked in the same place!” — Ruby Sue
Christmas Quote – Inspirational
What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace.
Agnes M. Pharo
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!
How the Grinch Stole Christmas– a book by Dr. Seuss
The world has grown weary through the years, but at Christmas, it is young.
Phillips Brooks
For Christmas is tradition time.
Helen Lowrie Marshall
Traditions that recall the precious memories down the years.
The sameness of them all.
Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we’re here for something else besides ourselves.
Eric Sevareid
In Conclusion
Whether you’re looking for a jolly laugh, a burst of inspiration, or a heartfelt reminder of the true meaning of Christmas, we’ve got you covered.
Let the countdown to a merry and memorable Christmas 2023 begin!